SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC060 August 2022 - Winners announced

[A Future in Noise]

@GamaGama "I didn't like the performance of the voice very much." @becsei_gyorgy "The vocal parts are no longer excellent everywhere, there are parts that i don't like."

It would be very interesting to hear somewhat more in detail what it is you don't like, because I had planned to ask Ian to participate again. Maybe I should not do that?

So: is his vocals sometimes out of tune/pitch? Is it the fact he's from Liverpool, England, that is the problem? Has it got something to do with his accent (same as Lennon-McCartney I believe)?

[Olli H]

It would be very interesting to hear somewhat more in detail what it is you don't like, because I had planned to ask Ian to participate again. Maybe I should not do that?

If I could ask such a singer, I certainly would. He has the same kind of character in his voice as Red Hot Chilli Peppers' Anthony Kiedis that easily divides opinions: either you love it or you hate it. If you're able to do that, then you surely have something special in your voice. So, not for every song but to some some songs definitely, to songs that need bold attitude.

[becsei_gyorgy]

It would be very interesting to hear somewhat more in detail what it is you don't like, because I had planned to ask Ian to participate again.

I think the singer has a nice voice. It would be nice to hear Ian again, for example in metal November. He has a good organ, especially for rock songs. (But in the future, I would therefore consider whether it is also suitable for songs with saxophone )
So, the singer wasn't the focus of what I wrote. I meant the vocal parts more for the composition.
There are only 1-2 points in the vocal line itself, which seems a bit strange.
e.g. 0:54 sounds like an autotune or melodyne corrected sound (or just a bad harmony take?), which is fine, but it's very audible here.
1:44-: maybe it's the composition, but the melody is a bit off.

What I liked a little (little ) less was the vocal composition (there is no real catchy, easy memorable chorus part), sometimes the melody line itself (1:44-) and the fact that the instrumental part differs so much from the lyrical part. As OlliH wrote, it's a bit strange that the composition starts very well, with the lyrics and vocal in focus. This is the main element, it's OK in terms of sound and space.
After that, it gradually fades into the background, from ~2:12 it is clearly suppressed by the guitars & other elements. And the excellent musical ending of the track contrasts so much with mainly the middle part, that by the time the song ends, we already forget that the song even had lyrics and vocal.

Overall: there is no problem with the singer himself, (nice performance - you are lucky to work with him), rather because of the producer's decisions and the excellent instrumental part , one has the feeling that the vocal parts are not that good compared to the song. (And again: his voice tone and saxophone is very hard to put together into the same good song - but it's probably just a matter of taste on my part, not the song's fault).

[A Future in Noise]

It would be very interesting to hear somewhat more in detail what it is you don't like, because I had planned to ask Ian to participate again.

I think the singer has ...

That was a very long and detailed answer! Thanks so much. I am currently struggling with my feedback. The same anxiety every month. How many rows will I be able to put togetner? (Maybe I'll get back to your comments about the vocals a little later.)

[VCA-089]

Here is my feedback:

► Show Spoiler

01. A Future In Noise - The Tide

A very good classic prog. rock composition. There are seems to be a lot of hand played instrument parts. Overall it sounds very organic and "real", with a lot of authentic elements of the genre. The vocals are quite good, with some minor inconsistencies, but I do like to hear more rough, uncompressed and non-quantized/repitched vocal in this context. I also really like that gentle melancholic character of this song, with a lot of topics I can relate myself. Mixing and production is really good.

The "water" aspect presents in the lyrics in form of a metaphor. I don't really know is it enogh to fit the months theme.

02. Arelem - Underwater

This entry sounds like a modern cloud rap (not sure on that, not aware of this music much). The vocals are heavily processed, almost robotic sounding, but it seems to be normal to that genre or music. The synth parts are quite good in creating the atmosphere. The beat is very catchy, reminiscent of typical 808 patterns. The mix is quite good, but sometimes the synths are too dominant in high mid range (2-5k) so it outshines the vocal parts.

In this entry the "water" aspect also presents in the lyrics of the song. I could say that there is a thick, floaty dark atmopshere created by the electronic parts that resembles the underwater feel.

03. EsteveCorbera - Les Gotes d'Aigua

This track has a calm, chilled atmosphere, representing a smooth stream of water. I really like the intricate harp lines in the intro. It sounds a bit mechanical though. The water sounds are used very musically, adding a twist to the overall groove. Nice selection of electronic sounds. The cords in the background sometimes feels out of key with other parts. The composition feels a bit too long, there could be more variations in the last section. The production quality is quite good.

The water theme is really there in this entry. It could be a soundtrack of some TV documentary or advertising.

04. KukoBass - Fountain In Slow Motion

I like the slow funk vibe in the intro, the bass part is really cool. It goes a little different direction afterwards. The mix of acoustic and electric instruments may seem a good idea, but it doesnt't feel naturally. The track feels kinda dry and synthetic overall, especially with the lo-fi beat. There could be used a short room reverb to glue the things together. The main melody may better represent the water drops if it would be played by Rhodes style electric piano. The track also feels a bit too long, with a very little variation.

This entry does convey a feeling of slowly walking in the park among the fountains. However, it sounds very "dry" for the water theme.

05. becsei_gyorgy - Tricky Fountains

A classic baroque music, if I'm correct. I don't know this genre well, but it feels quite authentic to me in terms of instrument selection and score writing. It also quite naturally sounding like a real playing orchestra.

The sound of flowing water is the only thing that associated with the theme, but it feels kinda out of place in the context of a classical composition (an orchestra playing in the park?). The track itself is very "dramatic" in it's atmosphere, I could imagine it in the opening of an old british detective movie.

06. GamaGama - Fast Stream Runto River

Overall it's a very good latin style dance song with a bit of electronic. The instrument selection and writing are very authentic. I really like the catchy rhythms and big percussion in the background. At some point the song starts to repeat itself too much. The main trumpet melody feels like a live improvisation, but there is not enogh variations. The production quality is very good in general.

This is the perfect theme for summer carnival. It sets an atmosphere of a journey to foreign countries, which can be associated with water.

07. Olli H - One Lonely Drop At A Time

This song is very organic with a lot of character. It has a very intimate atmosphere. The pizzicato strings sounds gorgeous, immediately brings associations with dripping water. The vocals are almost whispering and sung very close to the mic, it works really well with the lyrics and for the atmosphere of the song. This song is a bit short, but it does feel full and developed. The production is very good with the strong idea behind.

This entry fits the month's topic really well. The organic playing and singing makes it really stand out.

Voting:

► Show Spoiler

01 (10 pts) - Olli H - One Lonely Drop At A Time
02 (09 pts) - A Future In Noise - The Tide
03 (08 pts) - EsteveCorbera - Les Gotes d'Aigua
04 (07 pts) - Arelem - Underwater
05 (06 pts) - GamaGama - Fast Stream Runto River
06 (05 pts) - KukoBass - Fountain In Slow Motion
07 (04 pts) - becsei_gyorgy - Tricky Fountains

[becsei_gyorgy]

I don't really feel the inspiration from the prompt apart from the water sample being used in the background.

The sound of flowing water is the only thing that associated with the theme, but it feels kinda out of place in the context of a classical composition

I decided to help a little
I'm sorry for the many pictures, but I couldn't seem to put this into words during the submission post.
My song is a relatively simple composition. These images are from the original midi.
The instruments:

► Show Spoiler

Harpsichord theme


Celli Staccato


Oboe a3


Flute


Violas


Violin 1 Leg


I wanted to depict a lot of movement with the instruments, short, quick snapshots as the many bubbles go up and down. flowing water with waves etc. The main goal was constant wave motion. Up and down like the bubbles of the fountain from the picture.
And this is the original picture, which perhaps shows the inspiration why I did what I did, and perhaps the task of the picture theme is clearer:

[A Future in Noise]

KukoBass: OK, so you turned snare and hi hat down … When I now listen in studio monitors + sub, the first thing I noticed is that the kick IMO is too loud. The snare could be a little louder and the kick should be more quiet. Apart from that levels are OK, IMO, cello included.

The melody played on one single key on the piano from the start till the end gets repetitive after a while, and the piano is treated in a rather mechanical way. I think I would have made the bridge, starting at 1:43:25 only two bars long, or possible four bars, but not eight bars. It would have been much cooler, IMO, although I cannot explain why. And after that some progress/change is needed.

What I like the best is bass guitar/synth bass together with drums. Also the cello, although I haven't analyzed too much, fits in well. D, C, C7 is a rather simple chord progression, but it works well. I'm not sure exactly what instrument it is that has a phaser to it (organ/epiano/synth?), but where you hear it, it fits in in a good way.


becsei_gyorgy: Let's begin with the video, since I somehow feel your submission would be suitable as part of the music for a movie. But not the video you are presenting! When I listened to your entry one first time, I thought it was OK. But then, when I looked at all the beautiful water and waterfalls, the beautiful fountains, the beautiful statues and the beautiful buildings (and beautiful trees and bushes) I got extremely bored; almost felt sick. That video doesn't rhyme with the music.

I have hard to imagine someone would add this kind of musical piece to a playlist of any kind. And it is too short to be able to stand on its own feet. But as a part of the music that accompanies a movie – yes. A movie with much interaction between human beings.

The first bar with the orchestra immediately made me think of Beethoven's third symphony (although it's not ¾). It's a powerful orchestra, but the question is: would a harpsichord without an amplifier be as audible as this? Probably not. A lot of reverberation is surrounding the harpsichord, so it must be a large hall. Only: It does not sound realistic to me at all. Probably because of the strength with which the harpsichord comes through.

I have a little hard to pay attention to the question: does this make me think of water? I do not know, because we all knew in advance water is the theme.

Anyway, this piece of music is tasteful all the way. There is enough variation. Hence relatively high score.


Arelem: I don't know if real life is like the movies, if you hear a ping sound inside a submarine from the hydrophones in hostile ships coming closer. Anyway I got an under water feeling directly, but that could have been due to the fact that I had read the title: Under Water. Anyway: hydrophones, and then the synths behind, almost like noise, could be the submarine's engine. Good.

I really can't comment on your choice of kick and snare. Is it supposed to be looked upon as snare? I don't make this kind of music, so I don't have any expert advice. Don't really have an opinion about extremely rapid hihat-like sound / rhythm instrument.

The lyrics is performed very well, must be difficult to sing that rapidly (verses). There is a lot of water, here! Maybe I would have avoided to use both river and sea, and had instead picked one of those two. Although I understand this is metaphors and not a movement from the river out to the sea. The line “storm comin' on like a hurricane “ uses two words with very similar meaning (even if the hurricane is somewhat stronger). But is it a storm or a hurricane? And do the walls close in, out on the sea, over or under the water? On a ship?

Combining selfish and shellfish is very clever.

Your second, middle chorus is without percussion. A good idea to create variation. Also the vocals is handled in another way here (EQ/filter/FX). Sounds like he's trapped somewhere. Under water? So the girl left him. Too bad.


VCA-089: Since I imported all the tracks to a Reaper-project, I'm able to see your scenes on the screen. (I-1 to I-3, II-1 to II-2, III-1 to III-2 and then the outro.)

I don't have very much more to say than I liked the track. Regarding mixing and EQ, I have nothing to complain about. I have heard it twice now. First time, maybe a week ago, I listened in my earbuds walking around, running some errands. The music got me into a pleasant mode, and the same thing happened now.

The water connection isn't very strong, but personally I like it better, the way you do it, with that remote “noise” in I-1, than being overly clear. On the other hand, in I-2 you can hear a kind of clucking sound that is in fact rather realistic, but the volume is low – exactly the right volume. The synth played in a rather high octave, with lots of pingpong delay, could remind of water drops, maybe, but it's hard to tell whether a person not knowing this is supposed to represent water would understand this.

I think your track works well as relaxation music. Or music that creates a certain mood (I don't really have a name for that mode). But III-2 should be omitted, IMO. It's to “rocky” and powerful to fit together with the other seven scenes, especially from 4:04.


EsteveCorbera: Good atmosphere. Good choices of instruments. Leading instrument seems to vary between different parts. Last section best, from 2:58. Something like an ocean (waves) in the background. But would have been better without the pouring / dripping water.

When I say good atmosphere, I mean that if I just listen and don't pay very much attention to details, I have no objections. But after a closer look, I find some things that make me doubtful. The bass line – even if my first impression was that it is OK – is rather unusual. Seems a bit random. For example: From 2:32 – 2:34, 5 the metallophone/synth/bellpad plays F, G#, A#, G# … It's hard to perceive this than anything else than a broken A#7 chord … At the same time, during this one and a half bar, the bass goes: C, D, A#, F. To me it seems as if the bass and that other instrument plays different songs here.

The strings/synths in the background are low in terms of volume. It seems to me there are not many ordinary plain three tones major or minor chords. But do these chords and the bass line belong together? It's hard to tell because the chords are very quiet. Maybe they belong together, after all.


GamaGama: This whole thing starts rather promising. A beat that makes you want to dance, overall good sound; good sounding brass instruments and brass section.

But the first solo trumpet ”figure” is very simple and consists of only a few tones. In terms of note values, it stays the same for a while with few variations: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zx_RYg ... sp=sharing This is the way it starts from after the intro, then it's transposed down, step by step. Although these recurring “figures” from the trumpet gradually gets changed, one aspect remains: they are short, and the pauses between them are about equally long. To me, this makes the song much too repetitive.

2:21 and a few seconds forward brass section plays something much more reminiscent of the TV series Dallas from the 70s/80s than water.

With a few more percussion and bass line variations (and maybe a more obvious bridge), this could be a hit. If – if – you let the solo trumpet player play longer figures/phrases as well. P.S. Spanish guitar in intro sounds good. Guess it's a plugin (?) but in that case it is a good plugin.


Olli H: Like the live-feeling. Guess it is live, more or less? First impression of this song = good.

Intro is two bars too long. Cut the last two bars.

From 0:43 – 0:48 I really don't understand the harmonic progression here (”day by day”); the tones from the double bass seems not to fit together with the guitar, the pizzicato violin (if that's what it is) and vocals? It would take too much time for me to figure out exactly which tones the instruments are playing; especially for the guitar it's all little bit hard to tell what it is doing. All this is repeated one more time.

Pizzicato violin could be water drops. I like the maracas, but in terms of awaking water associations, the maracas don't have that influence on me.

1:30 Tremolo guitar (bridge) comes as a surprise. Very striking.

As others have already pointed out: interesting with this minimalistic composition. But I could not understand the lyrics, just listening to the track. Had to read it.

► Show Spoiler

1 (10 pts) VCA-089

2 (9 pts) becsei_gyorgy

3 (8 pts) Arelem

4 (7 pts) Olli H

5 (6 pts) Esteve C

6 (5 pts) KukoBass

7 (4 pts) GamaGama

[A Future in Noise]

1:44-: maybe it's the composition, but the melody is a bit off.

Thanks again for you detailed reply. The thing is: This second chorus starts with a C major as first chord, instead of C minor. Hence lyrics/vocals is performed differently. I cannot hear he's out of tune. But maybe, just maybe (@alavault?) one of the tones from one of the guitars is a bit questionable?

[alavault]

Thanks again for you detailed reply. The thing is: This second chorus starts with a C major as first chord, instead of C minor. Hence lyrics/vocals is performed differently. I cannot hear he's out of tune. But maybe, just maybe (@alavault?) one of the tones from one of the guitars is a bit questionable?

I don't think it comes from the "lead" guitars as they were played as provided. Mostly. Some parts were obviously adapted to be actually playable.

Maybe the violin-like guitars are the culprits, as they are not part of the original arrangement ? I didn't have the vocals when I played them and since they are buried behind, never gave them a second though. Or the clean arpeggio (also not part of the original) ?

Reviewing the notes, I transcribed chorus 2 as beginning with a C minor. Well, back to the drawing board... Or not.

[A Future in Noise]

Bonus track: If anyone is interested: This is the original version (almost original) from 2016/2017. Not from the beginning, but from approximately the “preludium” before chorus 2. It would be interesting to know if you think the C major in the beginning of the chorus, together with vocals (A Future In Noise), sounds strange in the same way here, as it maybe do (?) in the version participating in this competition.

But yeah – saxophone is from 2022. Louder here than the previous version.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1z6bPNU ... sp=sharing